cptnswns:

i’m constantly torn between wanting to watch new shows, re-watching old shows and attempting to have a life that doesn’t revolve around shows

What the blank is Tim Hortons?

And are they going to keep chicken fries on the menu?

Real talk.

Working Titles for Blogs I’ve Saved in My Drafts Folder and Never Finished

- The Cold’s ALWAYS Bothered Me Anyway (Or I Why I Didn’t Love Disney’s Frozen).

- 10 Ways FRIENDS the TV Show Lied to Me About Life.

- Silly But Serious! (Or Five Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry).

- Pick Up Lines That Would Probably Definitely Work On Me.

- On a Scale of 1 to Sampras: Rating the Pets I’ve Had in My Lifetime.

- Please Excuse Sally* From Jim Today (Or My Favorite “I Can’t Participate in PE Today Excuses).

- Solicitors Gonna Solicit: The Types of People Who Hit Me Up for Money by Knocking on the Door.

- Roommate Rehash

- Why Listening to My Dad Use iTunes is the Funniest Thing Ever.

I want you to feel something when you hear my name
poisuun (via poisuun)
does that make me (boy) crazy?

So, a couple of years ago this person I used to know called me boy crazy. It totally annoyed me because unless getting all emotional about something some fictional boy does in a book counts, I’m pretty calm when it comes to the love and relationships side of life.

I’ve never been one of those gals who “had” to have a man in her life. You know the ones. They get dumped and their side guy becomes their main squeeze and omg he’s just the greatest isn’t he?!

I don’t have the time or the desire or the lack of dignity for all that. I mean. I can’t make myself like someone just because he’s willing and able.

I’ve dated or hung out with (or whatever you want to call it) my fair share of guys, I guess, but I’d say there’s been a grand total of three for whom I genuinely felt something.

And I’m not talking about love. I’m talking about that nervous feeling you get when you think about them. How just the thought of seeing them makes you excited. Their smile is what you see when you close your eyes. You’d do anything to hear them laugh. It’s like, I can’t clean the kitchen; I have to sit here lazily and think about this guy. I guess they call them crushes, and while I wish there was a more clinical term for it, that word sums it up pretty well.

So, three crushes in my nearly three decades on Earth seems far from crazy to me. Having those feelings only once in a while makes you pay attention when they do come around. Sure, you question it. Why this guy? Why now? But really, those feelings are nice, so you welcome it.

That’s been the story of my life the last month or so. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, crush number four has reared its ugly adorable head, and while I don’t think even that makes me boy crazy, I will admit I think I am going crazy for this boy.

Heaven, help me.

Them: Just step out of your comfort zone a little bit.

Me: Comfort zone? Ha! I don’t have a comfort zone. I am literally ALWAYS uncomfortable.

05 - 10 August 2014The Pits 
- Tuesday’s involves UC and is perfectly summed up in this post.- On Wednesday, one person’s extreme arrogance nearly drove me insane. Thank God for the people in my life who are letting me vent.- On Thursday, a spider bit me while I dumped out some water jugs, and even though it didn’t hurt that much then, it flippin’ hurts now.- On Friday, it rained a lot. Squeegees and humidity are two of my least favorite things!- On Saturday, I watched “Sex Tape” and not only was it terrible, but I watched it with my parents. Talk about awkward.- Today, I noticed a fresh patch of stickers in my front yard. I mean, seriously. How much Round Up can I spray in my yard? I’m not gonna have any live grass left!
The Peaks
-Pretty much everything that happened after Tuesday’s pit is that day’s peak. I mean. You try crawling out of the hole.- On Wednesday, it was hot as balls. I like the heat, but since I work outside, it also allowed me to get super tan. No need to send me messages about the danger of sun exposure. I’ve taken the proper precautions.- On Thursday, I got to use the stash of Benadryl that I’ve had since I got stung by a wasp last summer. I mean, it’s about to expire!- On Friday, I left work with the realization that I didn’t have to go back for more than 48 hours. I’ve never been so excited about it.- On Saturday, I finally got caught up on all my shows after being out of town last weekend and working crazy hours this week. In other news, The Leftovers still sucks.-Today, all the shows I like to watch on CBS were delayed two hours by the PGA Championships, but it was OK because I love watching golf! False. That sucked. A lot.

05 - 10 August 2014

The Pits 

- Tuesday’s involves UC and is perfectly summed up in this post.
- On Wednesday, one person’s extreme arrogance nearly drove me insane. Thank God for the people in my life who are letting me vent.
- On Thursday, a spider bit me while I dumped out some water jugs, and even though it didn’t hurt that much then, it flippin’ hurts now.
- On Friday, it rained a lot. Squeegees and humidity are two of my least favorite things!
- On Saturday, I watched “Sex Tape” and not only was it terrible, but I watched it with my parents. Talk about awkward.
- Today, I noticed a fresh patch of stickers in my front yard. I mean, seriously. How much Round Up can I spray in my yard? I’m not gonna have any live grass left!

The Peaks

-Pretty much everything that happened after Tuesday’s pit is that day’s peak. I mean. You try crawling out of the hole.
- On Wednesday, it was hot as balls. I like the heat, but since I work outside, it also allowed me to get super tan. No need to send me messages about the danger of sun exposure. I’ve taken the proper precautions.
- On Thursday, I got to use the stash of Benadryl that I’ve had since I got stung by a wasp last summer. I mean, it’s about to expire!
- On Friday, I left work with the realization that I didn’t have to go back for more than 48 hours. I’ve never been so excited about it.
- On Saturday, I finally got caught up on all my shows after being out of town last weekend and working crazy hours this week. In other news, The Leftovers still sucks.
-Today, all the shows I like to watch on CBS were delayed two hours by the PGA Championships, but it was OK because I love watching golf! False. That sucked. A lot.

An Incomplete List of Words and Phrases I Use Entirely Too Often

My stomach hurts/I don’t feel good - granted, people should give me a pass on this one. I have an incurable disease! But yeah, I know. It’s annoying and I should stop saying it.

I don’t know why - I say this after I voice an opinion I think needs to be justified but I have no justification for. I don’t know why (ha) I can’t just let my opinions stand as they are.

Word/Heard dat! - I started using these jokingly via text messages but now I say it all the time even in real-life conversation. You know, because just saying “Yeah, I agree” to my boss clearly isn’t good enough.

Obvs/Whatevs/Forevs - I’ve actually toned these down a little bit but still. Why I ever thought shortening a word like this was acceptable behavior I’ll never know.

You know what I mean - Apparently I’m terrible at explaining myself so I just stop midway through and ask people if they know what I’m talking about. Good news is they usually do. Also, it annoys me more than it annoys you, I promise.

My cat dragged in a dead [insert amphibious critter here] - It’s not that I’ve formed a habit of saying this one, but I still think the fact that my cat drags in something gross AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK is too much.

I’m sorry - I’m an apologizing fool! Last Monday, this dude was yelling at me like I had never been yelled at before for a reason that is still unknown to me, and I apologized to him. I think if I had a therapist, she’d tell me this is a defense mechanism. And that I need to stop.

Yes/Yeah/Sure/OK - I’m not good at saying no unless I have a legitimate reason to do so. Apparently not wanting to isn’t a legitimate reason because I’m always agreeing to do things I don’t want to do. And it’s lame.

I’m poor - I shouldn’t say this one because I’m not poor. I live a relatively comfortable life, I guess. But counting down the days till my next paycheck still isn’t cool.

Today Was Not One of Those Days

Disclaimer: This story is not for the faint of heart. That said, fifty percent of the people to whom I’ve told it have said they giggled about it all day long. So, you might give it a whirl.

Some days, having ulcerative colitis isn’t so bad. Like. Some days, I can eat and drink whatever I want and carry on like nothing is wrong with me. 

Some days, I don’t have stomach cramps and my joints don’t ache and I don’t have to stab myself with a bunch of needles. 

Some days, I don’t even feel the need to map out where all the restrooms are in the unfamiliar building I just entered. And on days like that, it’s almost like I don’t even haven the damn thing.

Today was not one of those days.

Some days, having a 55-minute commute to/from work doesn’t suck. Like, it gives me time to wake up or cool down or whatever.

It’s not a scenic commute at all, but I get to jam some tunes or catch up on some podcasts, and some days, I don’t even think twice about how long the drive is.

Today was not one of those days.

Today, about 10 minutes into my commute I got that little feeling in my stomach. If you’ve got the UC, you know which one I’m talking about. At this point, a convenience store with a public restroom was still within reach, but I decided not to stop. I’d only eaten one tiny container of Orange Cream Oikos Greek Yogurt and figured I’d be all right.

Today, about 15 minutes into my commute the public restroom was no longer an option and the little feeling in my stomach had become a big one.

Today, about 25 minutes into my commute, the urgency in my stomach became too much to bear.

Today, about 30 minutes into my commute, I had to pull over on the side of the road, put on my flashers, climb into the backseat, moon a few passers-by and defecate into a Hobby Lobby bag that I only happened to have because my mom gave me a big metal C I’d had my eye on.

Then I had to drive the remaining 25 minutes of my commute feeling disgusting before rolling up into work and acting like nothing had happened.

Ulcerative Colitis: 1
55-Minute Commute: 1
Cristah: 0