A lot.

Go to School/Work Knowing I’m Ill

Kind of my fault because I’d feigned illness more than once in my life, but one day in seventh grade, I found myself clutching my stomach in the middle of my reading classroom ready to blow. Long story short, I ralphed all over some kid’s back pack, and believe me, that only needs to happen to a person once. Actually, I’d say it’s something that never needs to happen to someone. But whatever. I can assure you, it’ll never happen to me again.

Try to Make Someone Like Me

There was this girl I knew in high school. We weren’t friends, exactly, but because we had similar interests, we found ourselves thrown together quiet often. She was one of those who really dug attention, and for whatever reason, I wanted her to like me. I’d say I enjoyed things I didn’t enjoy just because I knew she enjoyed them. I’d let her tell me the same lame story over and over. I’d compliment her even when I didn’t think it was true. And looking back, that girl was unbelievably annoying. Why did I care if she liked me? 

Visit Magic Time Machine

So, one summer on a tennis trip, I convinced my father (also my coach) to take us to eat at this restaurant called the Magic Time Machine. It was this themed place, and I’d read on the Internet that it was one of the best places to eat in San Antonio. Our waiter was dressed as the Riddler, and as soon as he found out we were going to be sharing meals because we couldn’t afford the place, he started treating us like absolute scum. Then, once we got our super expensive (small portioned, I might add) meals, they were kind of disgusting. I felt terrible. Maybe I should just stop suggesting eateries.

Refuse to Have my Picture Taken

I’ve never been photogenic, and I really don’t enjoy having my photo taken, but there’s this series of photos of me from a vacation my family took to St. Louis that are just straight up embarrassing. There I am on the dock of some boat that floated down the Mississippi River with my hand in front of my face. Below the arch, I’ve got the biggest scowl on my face. At the Hard Rock Cafe, I was turned around while the rest of my family smiled brightly. I was basically a huge jerk, and I don’t think I could look any worse than I did in those photos. So, from now on, I’ll take a picture if someone wants me to. No matter how un-photogenic I am.

Attend a Midnight Mass at a Catholic Church

It only happened once, and really, it wasn’t that bad. Only, I didn’t grow up Catholic, and I wasn’t at all prepared for what mass entailed. As soon as I sat down, it was time to kneel. As soon as I knelt, it was time to stand. I never got the hang of it, and I felt more out of place than I ever have. I’ll stick to my 6 p.m. Christmas Eve services where we only stand up to sing, I reckon.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Gritty. Disturbing. Awesome. Everyone in Sweden smokes. Also, I wonder how hard it would be to become a tattooed & pierced computer hacker.

Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief

Somehow more entertaining than the book, and I never say that. Also made me more excited to see Logan Lerman in Perks.

Love and Other Drugs

Either I only paid attention to Jake Gyllenhaal or the trailer for this flick was way misleading. Not worth 90 minutes of anyone’s time.

Friends With Benefits

Hey, Justin Timberlake? My 10+ year crush on you? Yeah, it’s gone. Go back to making music. No Strings Attached is better than you.

The Green Hornet

In nearly two hours, this movie almost makes me hate the whole superhero genre. And it really makes me hate Seth Rogen.

The Lincoln Lawyer

Basically just another courtroom drama. Only I’d like to watch it again. Right this second. And not just ‘cause McConaughey is hot.

Lifetime’s Drew Peterson: Untouchable

Reading Wikipedia’s entry on Drew Peterson was way more entertaining than watching Rob Lower berate Kaley Cuoco for 90 minutes.

I think the whole New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day, New Year = New Me deal is about is lame as it gets.

NYE is an excuse for people to get pass-out drunk and feel OK about it because it’s the last day of the year, and tomorrow, they get to start over. As if they didn’t get pass-out drunk every other weekend of the year. 

New Year’s Day is spent choking down black eyed peas and pomegranate drinks in hopes of bringing luck to the consumer for the next 365 days. As if luck has anything to do with it.

New Year’s Resolutions are good in theory, but why does the calendar have to say it’s a new year for people to reinvent themselves? Why not start when the feeling strikes rather than waiting for January 1? Besides, if you’re really going to change, the timing has nothing to do with it.

All those reasons are why I’m not going to sit here and type about how 2012 is already monumentally better than 2011 because, well, that would be a lie. Even though 2011 was a pretty sucky year for me in terms of health and happiness. That said, there are some things that 2012 could bring that I cannot wait for.

Here they are for your reading pleasure.

Hey, maybe someone will find a cure for Ulcerative Colitis.

In October, I had to get a colonoscopy at the ripe, old age of 25. It was a horrid experience, and at first, I was told I’d spent nearly $1,000 to find out nothing was wrong with me. Then, they called back and said I had ulcerative colitis, an incurable disease that no one knows the cause of. Lame. Since then, I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on prescription medications with ridiculous side effects that don’t even work. So I’m about ready to just nip this thing in the bud.

The Hunger Games on the BIG SCREEN!

Never before have I been so excited about a movie. Seriously. I’ve read the trilogy twice in preparation. I’ve watched the bloody trailer more than 50 times. I’m insane over this movie. And generally, movie adaptations aren’t my thing, but even if this one sucks, at least I’ll know. Only 73 days to go.

Getting the Heck out of Dodge

I want to move. I like my job. I like the kids I work with everyday. I just figure I can like my job and the kids I work with somewhere else. I’ve got the itch to move — to see other parts of the world — err… state. And it’s not going away any time soon. So, I hope that sometime in 2012 I move to a new city. And maybe have more places to shop than the Walmart.

The Olympics

Whatever. I like sports. I like America. I like London. This year’s summer olympics is like everything I love packed into one big package. Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve felt patriotic.

December 22, 2012

So, I think I’ve been hearing about how the world’s ending in 2012 since like ‘08, and it seemed ridiculous then. Now, it’s almost here. I don’t believe it’s ending for a lot of reasons. So I’m looking forward to December 22 so I can see all these people who do believe it lookin’ dumb.

3.